Lessons I've Learned From the Life of My Son I

Buck, August 2011

                                                                 
It was a Thursday. October 20, 2011, our son, Tommy Aaron Buck, passed away in a car accident. He was ten days from being 9 years old. Two weeks prior, the Lord had prompted me to write my experiences of the things God's Spirit had taught me through the life of my son.  Many times during Buck's young life when I would be having a simple teaching moment with him, the Lord would turn the tables and apply the same principle in my own life spiritually. Other times I found the Lord testing my level of obedience, and again, Buck would be the example.

In those early years I wondered why the Lord didn't do this with our girls. They were certainly taught and trained just as our son was. Yet of course, God knew the future. He knew we wouldn't always have Buck with us. He knew these "life lessons" would help me remember my son and the things he said and did, even his funny quirks. It has helped to ease the pain knowing there are things I'll always have with me in my heart and spirit, even though I don't physically have Buck with me now.  Not long after the wreck the Lord told me Buck would help me for the rest of my life. I couldn't comprehend all the ways, but the life lessons continue to this day.

For starters, I want to share three instances when God really got my attention.

                                                          

Easter 2005, Preacher man

One night when Buck was about 3, I encouraged him to go get ready for bed. He continued to play. We had been down this road before and his defense for not obeying had been, "I didn't hear you!"

I decided this time would be different. "Hey Buck, eyeball me!" He looked up at me. "I know you can hear me because you are looking at me! :) Now, go brush your teeth." "Yes Ma'am." Still no attempt to get up. "Buck, first time! Do it the first time I ask you please!" Immediately I felt that gentle but undeniable nudge of God's Spirit on the inside of me. Wow Angelia. Sure do wish you would keep your eyes on Me!  Sure wish you would obey Me the first time I ask you to do something! Ouch!! Now that hit home and it wasn't comfortable.

It was not too long after that, on a Saturday, I was at home taking care of the bills. Thomas was out that day and Jenel and Lexa were at the church for a kids activity. Buck was really too young to attend, but he begged to be with his sisters so I let him go. We lived right next door to the church with only the parking lot in between. I could hear the kids playing outside. In the middle of my work, I felt a sudden need to go check on Buck. I had looked out the window more than once and could see everyone having fun. I'll go after I write this check.... Go now! After I do this one more thing...Now! I put my pen down and walked behind the church to where the kids were.  I saw the girls, but no Buck. No one knew where he had gone. I opened the back door of the church and immediately I could hear Buck calling for help. I followed his voice and found him in the sanctuary trapped under the drum set he had caused to fall over on him. He wasn't really hurt, but very panicked. There was no way he could get himself free. God had said, Go. Go Now! Why did I hesitate?

Buck helping daddy with his bow.

This third example of obedience got my attention the most. I have replayed it over & over in my mind considering what the outcome could have easily been had I not listened and obeyed. It was an early fall Saturday morning. The girls and I were headed out to do some shopping. Buck was in the back yard with his daddy watching him target practice with the bow. I walked around to let them know we were headed out. Buck looked so cute that day I went back in quickly and grabbed my camera. Thomas and I took turns holding Buck and taking pictures in front of a tree. We said our goodbyes and I went around and got in the vehicle. The girls were already in and waiting on me. Our only vehicle at that time was our huge Dodge truck.  Just as I started it up, I felt as though I should get out. Why? I had just gotten in. I put it in reverse...get out of the truck. I had no idea why, but I put it back in park and opened the door. I took two steps and to my shock I saw Buck standing behind the truck. My heart sank and I began to shake. First time, Angelia.

Time for a quick pic! Smile!

For me, keeping my eyes on Jesus also means staying sensitive to his voice. We listen with our heart and walk out our obedience by submitting our own will to His. Just as parents we train our children because we love them, even so our heavenly Father loves us and will guide us in the best way if we will only listen and obey. He always has the better plan!!

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Buck's Definition of How to Follow God (PDF)

About three months before the accident we were in church on a Sunday night. Buck liked to "take notes" during the sermon so I gave him a notebook. Our pastor had just gotten started when Buck whispered to me, "does follow have one or two l's?" "Two", I whispered back. He quickly wrote Follow God down the side of his paper. Now Buck could write nicely if he wanted to. He was a little like his mama and just wouldn't slow down long enough to be neat! But hey, when the inspiration is flowing, you gotta get it down before you forget! ;) Before pastor was done with his message, Buck had completed his. Each phrase came from his own heart, he hadn't asked anymore questions and this was not the sermon I was listening to! I'll be honest, as a mom I was blessed by the words my 8 year old son had written! He had experienced each one of these phrases in his young walk with Jesus. It must be pointed out how he added the arrow beside the phrases with the two l's.  After a second thought he decided you better love God first! Good call buddy! #Lordmyeyesareonyou #firsttimeobedience