Redemption Wins IV

Buck celebrating! V is for VICTORY!!

"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Therefore there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me on that day..."
                                                              2 Timothy 4:8

Today I want to some how wrap up this series of blogging for 2017.  A little over three months ago the Lord challenged me to journal a little everyday about our family's story. That obedience led to writing the blogs. First, it was primarily about our son Buck, but then about the seasons of life and now Christ's redemption. It really all ties together. I could never write about what the Lord has taught me through the life of my son, without experiencing Jesus redeeming power in my life personally. None of us would survive the various seasons of life if not for having a hope within that God could bring something good in spite of present circumstances.

So just briefly I want to share from my heart and take this chance to convince you (if you're not already) that redemption works, it's real, and it's for You!

Precious friends in South Africa

For a moment, let's go back to Africa. ( I would literally do that tomorrow if I could! )

On our first visit in 2012, the Lord opened a very specific  door called Lewenslig. (The w sounds like a v. leven-slig) Lewenslig is a disability home that we have visited each trip. In 2015, Thomas and I went back a third time, but this experience was different. Our team from the U.S. partnered with wonderful South Africans from a local church there. It was the pure love of Jesus that was displayed!

We went to minister, conducting a "day camp" of sorts, but the residents ministered to us just as much as we did to them!

God spoke to us on that trip. "You need to duplicate this, not just in Africa, but in other countries around the world!"

We felt it was time to pursue becoming World Missionaries.

So here we are, after nearly 30 years of marriage, in a new season of life. We are empty nester's, grandparents, and about to join (our budget is almost there) a new ministry called CompassionLink. compassionlink.org

We (you and me) are the "link" to the hurtinrg around us! They need to hear the redemption story too! Our heart is truly for people with disabilities. Our prayer is that they come to have a personal relationship with Jesus and find their place in the body of Christ. Every person has a purpose!

Thomas praying with the sweet people at Lewenslig.

Over the years I've had to repeatedly make the choice to give Jesus my "stuff"....and there has been a lot of it! I'm referring to my many thoughts, feelings, dreams, doubts, frustrations, cares and worries, etc. etc. Can you relate?! He has redeemed each one--unless--I chose to take it back. (Yeah, that happens to all of us and all too often, but let's try and not go there!) So we, as an act of our will, give our every moment to Him, knowing full well that He already knows the end of the story!

And although every one of our stories are different, we all have the same need- to recover (or discover!) our dependence on God. Otherwise, we'll find ourselves going at life alone, and we know we won't survive. The Lord did not create us to redeem ourselves. We need a Savior!

 So why do I say "Redemption Wins" so much? For me it's the difference in feeling like everything's gonna be alright (even when you don't know how) and feeling like you have no hope (so why even try).

So I choose to believe in His redemption. We're all gonna trust in something. Let's make it the one and only thing that lasts and really works! Jesus is Victorious. He has conquered all and through Him, I can overcome life's changes and challenges! It sounds like a "pat" answer until you live it out...again and again! Then it becomes the go to response for each situation that comes our way. Big sigh and smile...God's Got this!

Tommy Aaron Buck

The day our son passed away, God knew the path we would take. The old song says, "I'm so glad I've learned to trust in Jesus..."  Many times for me the key word is learned! I may not get it the first time, but He is patient to walk with me and be my guide!  Life is a journey. He must be our compass!

We still miss Buck like crazy, but we know where he is. He left us a challenge to make it to heaven just as he did. The football picture of him at the top is just how I picture him when he entered heaven. An excitable big, "YES!" on his lips, just like when someone made a touchdown. So may we continue on through this life, knowing at any moment the trumpet could sound and Jesus will take us home to be together Forever!!

 Hebrews 9:12, "...Jesus has obtained an ETERNAL REDEMPTION for us!"

Thomas & Angelia Carpenter
Evan, Jenel & Packson Nesbitt
Michael & Lexa Pope, Noah & Roux

To read more about our missionary adventure go to: s1.ag.org/hisability

Redemption Wins III

Excited children in Zambia with their Buck's Toys items.

When we returned from that first trip in 2012, we began getting phone calls. "What kind of toys are you taking to Africa? I want to donate! What size? What type.."  Kind friends and acquaintances saw the pictures we posted and graciously wanted to help. Initially, I thanked them, but turned down the offer, and let them know we didn't know if we would ever go back. God had given us this one unbelievable redemptive trip and maybe that was all?.... But the phone calls kept coming. I finally told Thomas that I was going to accept any donations offered. God would bless people for giving and we believed that He would also tell us what to do with the toys. Our garage began to fill up very quickly!

Amazing UCA students prepping for Africa.

Early 2012 I was talking with Chi Alpha missionary, Matt Carpenter. (No relation, but we would definitely claim him as family!) I knew he had made many trips to Africa, so I told him about our donations and asked how we could possibly get things sent over. His reply at that moment dumbfounded me. "I'm taking a team of students this summer. We'll carry 100 bags of items for you."

I thought my heart would burst! The collections became very intentional then and soon we had enough for 250 children to have a notebook, pencil, toothbrush, toothpaste, and a toy, all in one bag.

Evan Nesbitt in Africa, 2013

It was an honor to meet with the amazing, on fire, UCA (University of Central Arkansas) students. We shared our story and thanked them for helping to fulfill our sons wish while meeting the needs of others. Little did we know that our incredible future son in law was on this team. We would connect with him a few months later.



Redemption has a domino effect. When it begins, only God knows where it will go and how many lives it will touch in the process.

As 2014 began, UCA committed to carrying bags over once again. This time we bought bigger bags that could carry more items. People graciously continued to donate and our number of children reached more than doubled.

Precious friends in their Buck's Toys shirts.

Buck's school also asked to help. The children gave items and even stuffed the bags to send over. More redemption! Thomas and I never asked for any toys or other items, and to this day have not. I'm convinced when God wants to do something, He puts it in the hearts of His people to be His hands and feet. Willing vessels say yes and are so blessed because of it.

The Lord blessed us to be able to return to Africa in 2014, only this time with our daughters. Many friends purchased a t-shirt that helped make our dream of getting to go back and take Jenel and Lexa a reality.

About this time we created a website for people interested in what we began to call, "Buck's Toys." www.buckstoys4africa.org

Our family in Zambia, 2014

We never imagined giving away Buck's own toys would turn into a continual ministry. Only God knew (and still knows) where that first trip would eventually lead and how it would change the course of our life's ministry completely.

... to be continued...

---

Redemption Wins II

There is an old Carmen song from my high school days that says, "Your desire is the confirmation, the destination is there. God wouldn't put it in your spirit, if it wasn't goin' nowhere. So set your sights on the promises and don't you be scared. Cause your desire is the confirmation, the destination is there!" So true. The big challenge is to trust God's timing. Just when we think it will never happen, or that God's forgotten, He shows up and shows out! Meaning, He shows His glory, might and power on our behalf. I call it a "suddenly"! Here it is, what you've been waiting for. Yet many times it doesn't look exactly like we thought it would..... it's better!

Ron and Karen Barnard

January, 2012. My husband Thomas and I were invited to a missions conference. We were needing a little getaway. It was a season of life like never before. Just 3 months prior, our 8 year old son Buck, and my sweet mother in law, Nelma, had been killed in a car accident. Grief can at times, make you immobile; you don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. It just takes more effort than you have. This trip was a good opportunity to get with some awesome Jesus people and have a change of pace for a few days. We were surprised and excited to see some old friends, Ron and Karen Barnard. It had been a while, so we enjoyed catching up about ministry, family, and just life in general. 

The conference was coming to a close when Ron asked us an unexpected question. "Hey, I'm going to Africa this October. Why don't you guys come with me?" ...What?! Africa?!!  We discussed different ministry opportunities and things we might be involved in if we went.

The fact was, Thomas and I had already been talking about what the "one year anniversary" would be like for us. We didn't want to be sitting around staring at each other feeling sorry for ourselves. We wanted to be busy doing something for God. Now, God was inviting us to be in Africa on that date. It felt right.

Girls home receiving toys on October 20, 2012

Boys home receiving toys on October 20, 2012

Monday, March 6 Thomas & I were in Buck's room looking through some of his things. Buck was in the third grade when he passed. I found some papers from Kindergarten that I hadn't looked at in years. One assignment jumped out at me. It was a list of fill in the blank questions.

 Number 6 leaped off the page. I wish every kid could have toys to play with in Africa. 

Have What? Where??! I barely remembered this assignment and certainly did NOT remember him talking about Africa!

Thomas and I knew what we wanted to do.  I called our missionary friend Ron, told him about the paper we had found and asked if there would be an opportunity to hand out some toys while we are there?  His answer was, "Absolutely!" 
 

This gave us positive motivation to do some cleaning out in Buck's room. We went through all of his toys gathering small ones that would be easy to pack and hand out. He had lots of cars, animals, balls, and a few small stuffed animals. Some friends heard what we were doing and readily donated items for girls. When October rolled around we were set to bless at least 100 kids. 

Ron's wife Karen and I had been asked to speak at a women's conference our first weekend in country. In preparation, I asked if there was a certain topic they wanted covered or a conference theme? Yes indeed, it was Redemption. It really didn't hit me until I began to prepare my message, the significance of the trip. We were going for more that one reason. It had been 24 years since I first had the desire to go to Africa. Back in college, our trip had been canceled for reasons beyond my control. God had closed the door at that time, knowing full well what the future held for me.

So as the Lord would have it, on Saturday, October 20, 2012, on the one year anniversary of our sons passing, I spoke about God's great redemption for us. I witnessed it first hand as I told the ladies that day of my desire to come to Africa 24 years prior. It was as if God said, not yet. I am saving that fulfillment for when you will need it most. It was such personal healing for me to speak on that day. Can you see why I love redemption so much?! But God wasn't finished yet.

Lewenslig Disability Home

 We had no idea where or when we would hand out toys during the trip. Saturday, after the service, one of the pastors offered to take us to their children's homes that the church had established. These were school age boys and girls who had been rescued off the streets. I cannot describe the emotions I felt as we handed out Bucks toys that day. Unbelievable fulfillment. If anyone had told us on the day of Buck's passing, that exactly one year later we would be in Africa handing out our son's toys, we would've never believed it! We had fulfilled Buck's wish, at least to a few.

This was life changing! This was healing in the face of great pain. Redemption was winning over our loss. We gave God our hurt and He redeemed it. In a beautiful way, He took our greatest trial and allowed Joy to come to others who needed it just as much as we did. His ways are above our ways. His thoughts above our thoughts. His ways are past finding out! (Isaiah 55)

On Sunday night, Thomas shared about our burden to reach precious people with disabilities. After service a young man let us know that his uncle ran a group home just down the street from the church. The next morning we were there handing out more toys and sharing the love of Jesus. God was continuing to fill up the emptiness of our hearts as we gave out to others.

Red Hill Settlement on Buck's Birthdate

If that wasn't enough, ten days later, October 30th, the Lord opened the door for us to hand out toys one more time at a poor informal settlement. This would've been Buck's 10th birthday. Many children received a gift that day in his memory.

I will forever be amazed at that trip to Africa. Jesus met us there. He knew when I should go and that it would not be my last!....

to be continued....

---

"Put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with Him is FULL REDEMPTION!" Psalm 130:7

Redemption Wins I

Can I tell you just a little bit about my story of redemption? To get the whole story, you've got to know it doesn't begin and end with how or when I got saved, that is, when I asked Jesus into my heart. That is the number one decision anyone can make, but that's just where the redemption journey begins! It is with out a doubt a lifelong experience that Jesus wants to take with you! I'll start with a natural example that just begins to scratch the surface of what trusting Jesus has done for me.

Yearbook picture, 1988

In college we had a required amount of exercise per week. At the end of the semester came the fitness test. I recall showing up at the indoor track at the appointed time for my mile run. Back then I wasn't overweight, but to say I was athletic would be a stretch! Our coach stood ready with timer in hand and told me when to begin. I took off best I could trying to concentrate and keep a good pace. As I rounded the track there was a window where students who were passing by could see part of the track. As I approached I noticed a certain guy standing there chatting with a friend. I'm thinking, keep your head down, he won't see you. Too late. He looked me straight in the eye rather surprised, then hollered, "Go Angelia!" Oh Great! All a girl wants is to be watched while she's huffing, puffing and sweating! As embarrassed as I was, it was great motivation to keep going...and fast! Each time I came around the track he was there cheering me on. I ran the best time I ever had and even beat another girl's time who was much more fit than me. Encouragement and motivation go a long way to helping us finish strong! LOL

It may sound crazy that this is how I feel about the concept of Redemption. Redemption often comes along beside me and runs the race with me, giving me the strength to keep going.  I come around a hard place in life, huffing and puffing and there He is on the sidelines, watching and cheering me on.  It's Jesus, He's our Redeemer. He redeems, or you could say, makes new. Redemption is what comes as the result of Jesus coming along side us.  He desires to be with you through everything you will ever face; sickness, fear, worry, financial struggles, family battles, work related circumstances... the list is endless, but so is His love.

May I tell you, it works for your grief too. Over the past 6 years the Lord has given me so many undeniable and very tangible examples of His love for me. It is just second nature to look for, welcome, and expect Jesus to redeem my situations. As I continually give whatever it is over to Him, (Easier said than done, yes! Key word, continually!) He remains true to His Word and redeems or brings something good from each difficult situation. That's what He does because that's who He is!

So when I feel too weary to keep going, I'm physically drained or experiencing a tough "spiritual run" that has made me weary in spirit and body... I follow my Redeemer's lead. I get in step with Him and listen for His voice to guide and encourage me. I always run my "best time" with Him!

I laugh remembering that fitness test. I would probably collapse if I ran like that today! My mile time would not even be close. Yet I am thankful that nearly 30 years later, I can look back and see how God was working my redemption story even then. A huge part of it began while in college and I wouldn't know it until many years later.

The year was 1988. I was 18 and just finishing up my first year of Bible college. There were several missions trips planned for the summer. Prayerfully, students could choose any trip they could raise money for and that worked in their schedule. There was also a interview with a faculty member. It was mostly formality, but necessary to the process. It was an honor to get to go.

From the very beginning, without hardly looking at the list, I knew I wanted to go to Africa. God just put that desire on my heart. I didn't have a friend who was begging me to go with, nor did I know of a certain missionary that had been there. It was just a knowing. Africa was my choice.

I'll never forget when I entered the office for my interview. The man who I was meeting was sitting at his desk, but it was behind a petition. I couldn't see him, but he could see me. As I stepped in the room, he called out, "Hello Angelia! Welcome to Africa!" My heart leaped! I was surprised to hear him, but mostly it was my spirit that leaped. I felt a unique excitement and anticipation like never before. God was going to do BIG things!! I just knew it.

Little did I know, it would actually be 24 years before I would step foot in Africa and God was going to do something I never would have imagined!!....

to be continued....

Seasons IV

 January 1, 2012, Thomas preached at my parents home church. His text was Mark 4, Jesus calming the storm. The disciples had some questions. "Where's Jesus?" "Don't you care?"  We may ask the same questions in our boat of life. Yet our faith has to be in who is guiding the boat. No matter how big the storm, we can still trust the captain.

His sermon reminds me of a song I used to sing in church nearly 30 years ago. It was titled, "Master of the Wind."

My boat of life sails on a stormy sea
Ever there's a wind in my sail
But I have a friend who watches over me when the breeze turns into a gale.

I know the master of the wind. I know the maker of the rain.
He can calm the storm make the sun shine again. I know the master of the wind.

Sometimes I soar like a eagle to the sky
Among the peaks my soul can be found.
An unexpected storm may drive me from the heights
It may bring me low, but it never brings me down.

We may feel like our season of living on the rocking, fearful, wind tossed boat will never end. Martha Tennison says, "Seasons are certain, but not final." We cannot avoid them, but just because it's lasting longer than we want, doesn't mean it will never end.

In the months that followed Buck's passing, the Lord spoke so much to me about my faith. God led me to a devotion by Billy Graham that I have shared countless times in messages and one on one with friends. He talked about the Three Kinds of Faith. Quite possibly you can relate to one or more of these.

The first is struggling faith. We're alone, in the middle of the ocean, with no boat or life preserver. Arms flailing, we are struggling to keep our heads above water. We are doing our best to tread water but we don't really see or feel like we will make it. The waves of life seem stronger than any strength we could possibly have to conquer them.

Secondly, there's clinging faith. We've found the life boat, but all we have the strength to do is to fling one arm over the side of it and hang on for dear life. We have a little hope, but we are still being beaten by the waves and unsure what our outcome will be. We don't know just how long we can keep holding on.

Lastly, there is a resting faith. We're in the boat now, sitting, at peace. The waves are still trying their best, but Jesus is the captain of our life's boat and He knows how to guide us through every storm of life. In fact, we are rested enough that when another comes by, clinging to the boat, we reach done and help pull them in as well.

Let's be real. We all go through tough seasons when we struggle. I would admit I have probably camped out in the season of clinging faith the most. Yet when you know what to cling to, that's not such a bad thing. Don't beat yourself up if struggling is what you feel the most, just don't stay there.

"But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord; I say, You are my God. My times (seasons) are in your hands." - Psalms 31:14 & 15

Elisabeth & Jim Elliot

I've had several "heroes of the faith" over the years. There have been many who have spoken directly into my life face to face, yet some of the most impactful people, I have never met in person. Elizabeth Elliot is one of those people.  Her story is familiar to many. While serving in Ecuador, her husband and four other missionaries were killed by the very people they were trying to share the gospel with.

Elisabeth persevered through her grief and eventually saw the salvation of the man who took her husband's life. You can't fake that kind of love people, that only comes from Jesus. One of my favorite quotes from her is, "Faith does not eliminate questions, but it knows where to take them." True Story.

A fitting end is this song called "Worn." This may describe how you feel today, but listen to the hope in the chorus: Redemption Wins! Spoiler Alert! This is the title for next weeks blog ;)

Season III

Buck would occasionally come to the office with me and "work on his own projects." The main thing he wanted to get his hands on was my laptop. Usually, that's where I would be working and he had to be satisfied with paper and pens. Once in a while, I'd set him up to type his own "document" and boy did he feel big! He would repeatedly ask what my password was. That wasn't something I was anxious for him to know, but somehow he found out. Shortly after that (actually March 5, 2011) I found a piece of paper on my desk. I'm thinking he wrote it down so he wouldn't forget, but then decided to add the little note to me, so I wouldn't forget either. My computer password has changed many times since, but this reminder is timeless. Lord, may I never forget, I can trust You.

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon His promise. Just to know, " Thus saith the Lord!"
Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him! How I've proved Him o'er and o'er.
Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus! Oh,  for Grace to trust Him more!
I'm so glad I learned to trust Him, Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that thou art with me. Will be with me to the end!

You may have read the story, "Thankful for the Thorns". I heard it years ago and gave it little thought, but in recent years it has become more meaningful. Who would ever imagine having a bouquet of roses with no roses on them?!

A local churches reminder
to be thankful

Feel free to read the whole story, but the gist of it is simply being thankful for the" thorns", the hard places in life. Am I thankful that my son passed away? No. But, I am thankful for the comfort of the Holy Spirit and for His constant care through every season I face. I can truly say I am grateful for how I've come to know Jesus more intimately through this toughest season of life. Thomas and I believe we would not be walking through certain doors of ministry if it had not been for the specific life experiences we have gone through.

God I've thanked You so many times for the roses in my life, but today may I be thankful also for the thorns. "In every situation (no matter what the circumstances) be thankful and continually give thanks to God; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18 AMP.

I love this quote from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. "Trust and thankfulness will get you safely through this day. Trust protects you from worrying and obsessing. Thankfulness keeps you from criticizing and complaining."

Many times over the past few years I've gone back to what I know about my Jesus and His character, in relation to my situation. He is good and loves me and my family. So great is His love, that He wore a crown of thorns and died for me. I am thankful He endured His thorns so that I may have victory over mine!

Daily I am thankful for the hope of heaven! Paul said in 1 Corinthians 15:19, "If we who are abiding in Christ have hoped only in this life (and this is all there is), then we are of all people most miserable and to be pitied."  Every day we should wake up saying, "Today could be the day!!!"

When the time was right..., the sea parted, the walls fell down, the lions went hungry, the sun stood still, the star appeared, the waves were calmed, the stone rolled away, the Lord ascended...

And when the time is right,

THE KING of KINGS WILL RETURN!

God is never early and He's never late! He's always right on time and His plans for you are good!

Seasons II

Through every season of life, God has always been so faithful to speak His truth to me many ways. Two main avenues have been through His Word and through His servants. Often the trick for me is slowing down, taking time, and being still enough to listen! SSSHHH! "Be still and know that I am God! Psalm 46:10 Whenever I get quiet then I can hear Him more clearly. Can you relate?!

I'd like to share just a few of those times and I have to start with the compass. (If you haven't read the brief story behind it, click on the big picture of it or the title, The Story of the Compass, on the home page.)

Since finding Buck's compass, my prayer has often changed from simply, "Lord guide me", to "Lord, be my compass!" To me that's more than just asking Him to show the way, but also to correct me and keep me on His path! I feel His loving care over me as well because He will not lead me astray, if I'm listening to His voice and taking my cue from Him!

I heard a great minister relate an experience where he was asked by a non believer what it meant to be "Pentecostal". In his mind he quickly considered the many ways he could answer, but replied with just one word. "Dependent!" I agree. As Spirit filled believers we must choose to let God's Spirit take the lead. Many times we don't know what season is coming next, but He does. #trusthisvoice


April 19, 2012, God gave me three truths about my circumstances that I have gone back to many times. Most likely these had been preached before, but I had never heard them exactly like this until I wrote them in my journal that day.

1. My circumstances don't change who God is. God is still God no matter what happens in my life.
2. My circumstances don't change God's power. He hasn't suddenly become weak and unable to help.
3. My circumstances don't change the final outcome! He has already won the victory for me!

February 22, 2012, I received a phone call I'll never forget. Buck had passed 5 months before. God knew I needed a Word to hold on to.

The voice on the other end said, "Baby doll, your gonna make it!" I began to cry. Precious, powerful, life giving words from a Godly woman I greatly admired and still do.

 Rev. Martha Tennison knew what it was like to experience an unexpected, tough season, to say the least. She and her husband Don pastored a church who lost 27 members in one tragic day. It was a bus wreck that left many survivors badly burned.

When you see someone else remain faithful through great difficulties, it encourages you to do the same! She shared much scripture and prayed with me as only she can.


After my conversation with Sis. Tennison I pondered a verse that, in my opinion, has been misquoted. "...Lord you said you wouldn't put more on us than what we could bear..."

Actually the whole verse says, "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make a way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."
1 Corinthians 10:13


To me this passage (and the verses around it) are talking about the subject of temptation, not trials. Truth be told, life is more than we can bear, that's why we need a Savior. He promised,

"My Grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12 :9. #graceenoughforeveryseason

June 2011, our family traveled to Springfield, Mo. for a special service. Thomas' parents were being commissioned, once again, as world missionaries. It was an exciting night!

I recall the speakers message very clearly. The title was, "Living Life Palms Up!" His example was Moses. He started out as a reluctant leader who didn't want to speak. God let Moses know that He could use him and what he had in his hand, a simple rod. Yet one day Moses position of power brought him to a moment of disobedience to God. Instead of speaking to the rock so they could have water, he struck the rock. It was as if Moses, with a clinched fist wrapped around his rod, told God, "It's my rod! I'll use it as I see fit."

The speaker said that everyday during his prayer time, he physically opens his hands palms up and prays, "Lord, everything I have You have given me. If you choose this day to take something out of my hand, I willingly give it to You!"

His challenge to us that night was to let God have control. May we never get to the place where we tell God with a clinched fist, "It's my marriage, my family, my ministry!" We must daily commit everything we are and have to God and His loving care. #fullsurrenderineveryseason

Seasons I

Buck's football at Razorback Stadium

When I was 12 years old, my parents resigned the church they had pastored for over 20 years. We prepared to move out of state to a new one.

I remember sitting on their bed crying as I didn't want to leave my friends. My dad told me something that day that has stuck with me my whole life. "Life is full of changes. If you can get past this change, there will be an even bigger one down the road.  You'll make it through that one because you made it through this!"  In my young mind, I couldn't imagine anything harder happening to me.

Dad's words of wisdom proved true. We stayed at that next church just two years and then hit the road as evangelists. For the next five years we traveled to a new town every week. Talk about changes! My whole life has been a series of continual changes and adjustments, each one has prepared me for the next! This is truly God's plan. #seasonsofchange

Shortly after the accident, the Lord began to speak to me about the seasons of life. Inevitable. Necessary. Embrace them. In the months that followed many of the messages He gave me were directly to the subject of "Seasons".

Labor Day weekend  2012,  I had the honor of speaking at our PK Retreat in Hot Springs. If you're not familiar, it's a getaway just for preachers kids.  It had been almost a year since Buck had passed. I recall at that Friday night service I held one of Buck's footballs in my hand and talked about "tough seasons". I used the Razorbacks as an illustration. LOL! Everyone understood though and we could all relate. Change is a given, we will all go through seasons in life, that's the way God planned it. Over and over in my mind I have gone back to that pivotal conversation with my dad. It has helped me to accept the new changes and challenges life has brought to me. #seasonschangeyourloveremains

The Lord gave me a very personal and literal visual of this. One evening, about seven months after the wreck, I stopped by Buck's school. This was the last place I saw him. (I am forever grateful that on that final morning together, the Lord prompted me to get out and hug Buck. Usually I just drove through the line pausing long enough for him to jump out.) There was the bush we had stood by. The branches were full of green leaves.

A few months later I went by again and it was barren looking. There were no leaves, just dry branches. That little bush has been a constant reminder to me that life is ever changing. I will have fruitful seasons that produce growth and then there will be times I feel dry and barren. Yet I know there is still life down in the roots and my season will change and bring a harvest again. Ephesians 3:17, "...let your roots down down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love!.."

I received this card in the mail the day of the accident. It was sent to me by a dear friend who is a mentor and prayer warrior. Handwritten on the inside, "God says, Stand back and see what new thing I have prepared for my servant. I challenge you to embrace change with confidence that it is all in God's plan and purpose."  Do I always understand everything that happens? Of course not. Do I believe God always has a plan? Absolutely! 
Romans 8:28, "...all things together for good!..."

The Christmas following the wreck, Jenel gave me a book. Inside she signed it and wrote, "If I could wish anything for you; That your latter would be greater than your past. The Best is still yet to come. I wish blessings and more anointing and favor than you've ever had."

Countless times after the accident, I sat in the hallway of our home listening to Lexa play her keyboard and sing, "I'm not going back. I'm moving ahead. I'm here to declare to you, that my past is over. In You, all things are made new. Surrender my life to Christ. I'm moving, moving forward!"

I must state the simple fact that, our daughters are my absolute heroes. They have displayed such resilience throughout every change they have faced! What GRACE they have walked in. Their commitment to Jesus challenges me. What a Complete Blessing they continue to be to my life!!
#redemptionrunsinthefamily

Please check out this amazing song and it's powerful lyrics.

Lessons I've Learned From the Life of My Son V

My October baby. Buck in a parade, age 3

---

Westbrook Elementary Balloon Release
in Buck's Memory

Six years ago today, October 30, 2011, Thomas and I were invited to Westbrook Elementary School for a memorial in honor of Buck. Just ten days had passed since the wreck and this was our first time back to the school. It would've been Buck's 9th birthday. All of the 3rd-grade kids and teachers gathered outside. We were told we could say anything we wanted to these precious children who were missing their friend very much. What an opportunity God gave us that day! We did not take it lightly. I honestly cannot remember everything I said, but I do remember one thing specifically. "Buck isn't gone forever, he has moved. He moved so far away that it's just too far to go visit, but one day we can all go and live where he is!" #seedsofredemption

The school principal was so kind and spoke to the children. "After a week of listening to you talk about Buck, here are the top 5 things you all said about him."

1. He was a good friend
2. He was good at football
3. He helped me with my schoolwork
4. He made me laugh
5. He talked about heaven

She then turned to me and Thomas and said, "We the teachers and children of this school, commit to continue Buck's legacy and do the things he did. We want them to continue on!" Way to go son. #makeadifference

---

Fall conference, 2009, God had laid a message on my heart for the ladies. As I began my opening remarks, I noticed Buck slowly coming up the side of the platform. You could hear the "aaaaawe's" ripple across the crowd as he was carrying a bouquet of roses. I turned and leaned down very happily accepting the unexpected gift. "Thank you Son!" I grinned and hugged him. He half smiled, slightly shrugged and then said, "It was dad's idea!" LOL! #honestyisalwaysbest #somestimesitshilarious

---

We have all had family members pass away and we remember the last words we said to them. I certainly think about that, but more than that, I like to dwell on what my first words will be when I see them again! Buck is in my past, but he’s also in my future. At any moment Jesus could come back and take us all to heaven to be together forever. Every day I live in expectancy of that moment. When I think about that reunion day, I recall a special memory I have with my son. It was bedtime two nights before the wreck.

Buck and I had a pretty regular routine of reading out of a “chapter book” and then his Bible or kids devotional book. We would then pray and usually I would put on some music for him to go to sleep by. Now Buck was a big boy for his 8 almost 9 years and he loved playing rough tough football, but he was a big teddy bear that still wanted to snuggle occasionally. It wasn’t uncommon when I had turned on his music, for him to ask me to lay down with him for a little bit. Sometimes I would and other times I wouldn’t. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but more than once I’d fallen asleep and woke up at like 3 a.m., dishes and laundry etc., undone, but that was ok too.

Well on this particular Tuesday night he made his request and I agreed. Just as I lay down, he cuddled up to me, all comfy. When we were settled in nice and still Buck sighed and whispered, “I wish this moment would never end.”  I smiled to myself contentedly and had to agree it felt pretty perfect.

So one day soon I’ll see Buck again and with a smile, I’ll say, “Son, this moment will never end!”  #togetherforever

---

“For the Lord Himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words.”

I Thessalonians 4:16 & 17

---

I have to end today's blog with a smile!! #multitask

Lessons I've Learned From the Life of My Son IV

Easter 2011

Sunday morning, December 2, 2012. I woke up that morning thinking about my mom and dad. It was the two year anniversary of my brothers passing and I knew I needed to call them sometime that day. My mom and I both had two girls and a boy, only her son was born first and mine had been the baby. We both had lost our sons within 10 months of each other, so we had walked the road of grief together. My brother Monte had suffered from cancer and went home at age 49. Too Soon.

Me and my Brother Monte

Monte had been restless on that last night and slipped out of bed onto the floor. My dad had picked him up and laid him back in bed. As he did, my brother passed on to heaven. When dad told us about it, Thomas said, "Monte went to sleep in his earthly father's arms and woke up in his heavenly Father's arms!" No truer words have been spoken. So my mind was filled with thoughts of loved ones and heaven as I went into my quiet time on that Sunday morning. I was reading a daily devotional by Billy Graham that year. As the Lord would have it, on this particular day the scriptures and reading were all about heaven! God just filled up my heart through His Word and Spirit.

All of the sudden, I remembered I had had a dream the night before! In the middle of the night I had gotten up for a moment and as I laid back down and closed my eyes, there was a bright light shining down on me. I remember thinking, how can it be so bright in here when my eyes are closed and it's still dark outside?!

Buck, 2010

As I looked up into the light, there was Buck, waaaay up there, smiling down at me. He was standing like he used to at first base with his hands on his knees. He looked just like a picture I had taken of him wearing two of his favorite things. His "Sherman Mountain Boy's hat" (as he called it) and his baseball cleats. The "Sherms" as we affectionately called them were Buck's favorite singing group. He would crank their CD in the front yard while playing catch. Buck would often sing the words to his favorite song they sang, "...don't you wanna be a servant of the good God Almighty, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?..."  So here he was looking down at me with that huge grin. Then he cupped his hands over his mouth and hollered, "Mom! Hurry! Hurry up and come! It's Awesome! Your gonna LOVE it!" All I could do was smile back up at him and that was it.... Wow. Thank You Lord for reminding me of the dream and for giving me that glimpse into eternity!! Truly heaven was going to be Awesome, cause if Buck said so, it definitely was!!

It was about time to get ready to go, but I had to call mom and dad first and share my devotion and the dream. What a Blessing! On the way to church I told Thomas, "If Pastor preaches about heaven, I'm just going to be raptured today!" Wouldn't you know it?! His text was from 1 Corinthians 15 which is about believers rising from the dead. "Oh death where is thy sting, oh grave where is your victory?" I was definitely ready for the rapture then! After we took communion I couldn't hold it in any longer. I asked Pastor if I could share something and I told the congregation about my dream. What rejoicing! We got it, son. #heavenisawesome

---

Mother's Day weekend 2008. I was speaking in El Dorado, Ar., and our whole family went. We arrived in town on Saturday night and went out to eat with friends. They gave us our choice of where to go, but we didn't care where. They suggested a new place in town, a Cajun restaurant. It was awesome and so was the visit. Sunday lunch the next day there was some debate about where to go because probably every restaurant would be packed. Someone suggested a new Cajun restaurant?! They didn't know we had been there the night before, but again, it didn't matter to us.

When we got in the car, Our oldest daughter, Jenel, gave Buck some well-needed instructions. (She was a Sophomore and Buck was in Kindergarten.) "Now Buck, we are going to the same restaurant that we went to last night, but it's ok! When we get there don't say, 'We ate here last night! I had this to eat already!'" She nicely encouraged him that it was no big deal. We didn't want to make the people feel bad who were taking us out! I can still see Buck as we stepped into the restaurant. He very obviously looked alllll around, while nodding his head up and down, and in a loud, over exaggerated voice (emphasizing every word) he declared, "This is a nice restaurant!!" As if he had never been there before! It was very hard to hold in the laughter! #alwaysbegracious

---

Buck with  his two sisters, Jenel & Lexa

One week before the accident, Lexa asked Buck if he would come to Elevate and quote some Bible verses and answer JBQ (Junior Bible Quiz) questions for the students. Elevate was a Christian club that met during lunch once a week. Anyone could attend of course, "Christian" or not.  Buck was excited about getting out of class for an hour and he did love JBQ! He started getting nervous though when the room began to fill up. A lot of students showed up that day and many of them were big football players. Buck was getting nervous. "Lex, I don't think I can do this!"  Lexa was ready with the pep talk! "Come on Buck, it's time to man up and do something for God!" He had his head down on the table, "I don't know if I can do it!" Lexa knew he could be bribed. "Buck, I'll give you a Dr. Pepper and all the pizza you can eat!" "I'll do it!" Buck quickly replied. #dohardthings

---

Beautiful picture painted by our friend,
Caitlyn Robillard, 2016

I remember a few months after the wreck taking a little "poll" on Facebook. "If you had a canvas with a beautiful scene of heaven on it, what would the caption be?" I got several good responses. There were encouraging phrases posted that included words like, Faith, Hope, and Joy. A lot of scripture verses were also suggested. One day I was still thinking on it when I asked Thomas. "What would you  put on there, Babe?" He thought for just a moment and then said, "Two words, We Win!" That's right Babe. No matter what, We Win! We are winners in Christ. That was truly the Best suggestion ever!

I must say how Thomas' words impacted me! We were in a very low season, yet without hesitation he reminded me of our place in Christ. I recall that conversation with a smile for many reasons, not the least of which is that he gave me a classic "man answer". He summed up the end of our whole life's struggles in just two words. Straight to the point, this is the bottom line! I LOVED it! #wewin

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present, nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38-39

~Bucks last JBQ verses to memorize.